Don’t Go to Confession Until You Hear St Catherine’s Warning (Saves You Years)

The wind howling off the frozen expanse of Lake Erie rattled the leaded glass windows of the rectory study, casting elongated, dancing shadows across the floorboards. Inside, the only illumination came from a single green-shaded banker’s lamp that bathed the heavy mahogany desk in an amber, atmospheric glow. Scattered across the dark wood were open volumes of mediaeval theology, leather-bound commentaries on the Doctors of the Church, and a glowing tablet displaying the rough draft of an upcoming pastoral letter.

Father Thomas sat with his chin resting in his interlocked hands, his dark eyes fixed on the text of the tablet. The digital document contained an urgent warning regarding a silent, unaddressed spiritual crisis festering within modern Catholic families—a crisis of hidden compromise that he believed was quietly steering thousands of unsuspecting souls toward centuries of severe purification.

The heavy oak door creaked open, and Father Julian stepped into the study, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of black coffee. The younger priest looked exhausted, his cassock slightly disheveled after a long evening of conducting parish marriage prep sessions. He set the tray down on the corner of the desk, noting the intense, preoccupied expression on the older priest’s face.

“You look like a man who has just uncovered a heresy, Thomas,” Julian said, sinking into the leather armchair opposite the desk and rubbing his temples. “Or at least a very heavy pastoral burden.”

Thomas looked up, his expression deadpan and serious. “Worse, Julian. I am looking at a gaping wound in the modern Church’s pastoral care—a territory where we have completely abandoned our people to the prevailing winds of secular culture, leaving them entirely without spiritual maps or moral compasses.”

Julian sighed, taking a slow sip of his coffee. “If this is about the marriage prep classes again, I agree the modern material can be soft. But we cover the basic tenets of natural family planning, sacramental grace, and the absolute necessity of permanent marital fidelity. What exactly are we missing?”

Thomas reached across the desk, spinning the tablet around so Julian could see the highlighted text. “We are missing the interior mechanics of the heart, Julian. We tell couples what they cannot do outside of marriage, but we fail to give them any substantive, clear guidance on how to preserve sanctity within it. We treat the wedding altar like a magical boundary line where lust suddenly becomes holy by default, and where every raw impulse is instantly baptized. But the great mystics tell a completely different, far more demanding story.”

Thomas picked up a thick, weathered volume from the stack. The gold lettering on the spine read The Dialogue of Saint Catherine of Siena.

“If you want to understand why so many seemingly devout Catholic couples are completely blindsided at their particular judgment,” Thomas said, his voice dropping into a low, resonant register, “then we need to stop avoiding the specific warnings of the Doctors of the Church. Saint Catherine was shown the exact nature of the torments of purgatory, and she left behind an explicit, terrifying diagnostic of a particular marital sin that almost no one confesses because almost no one realizes it is a sin.”

The Hidden Fracture in the Vow

Julian leaned forward, his theological curiosity instantly piqued. “Catherine of Siena wrote about specific marital sins? The Dialogue is usually treated as a purely mystical text on divine providence and spiritual ascension.”

“Because modern commentators prefer to sanitize the mystics,” Thomas said directly, his tone sharp with a peer-like candor. “They cut out the warnings about the gravity of sin because it makes modern audiences uncomfortable. But listen to what Catherine actually recorded after she was granted a vision of the purifying realm.”

Thomas flipped the pages of the old book, his finger coming to rest on a passage marked with red ink. He read aloud, his voice steady:

“I also saw the torments of the damned and the souls in purgatory, but there are no words that can adequately describe these. If poor mortals had a glimpse of the least of these torments, they would without doubt prefer to die ten times over rather than to have to bear such a thing for one day. I was especially struck by the punishment meted out to those who sin in the married state, who do not respect their vows as they should and seek only to satisfy their lust.”

Julian blinked, processing the text. “It’s a serious warning, certainly, but it’s still somewhat general. The term ‘lust’ within marriage can be interpreted in several ways. Did she unpack the specific mechanism of why this fault carries such a heavy weight?”

“She asked that exact same question to the Eternal Father,” Thomas replied, turning the page. “She asked why this specific fault, which many might assume is trivial compared to overt acts like adultery or murder, is punished with such long, grueling periods of purgatorial fire. And the divine answer she received should shake every pastor to his core.”

Thomas pointed to the text, gesturing for Julian to read the translated response:

“Because the people concerned don’t regard it as important, and consequently are not sorry for it as they are for others, and so they succumb to it more readily and frequently. This fault is all too dangerous, however trivial it may seem, because no one who commits it bothers to get remission of it through repentance.”

“That is the core of the tragedy,” Thomas explained, leaning back in his chair. “It is a sin committed under the comfortable canopy of a valid sacrament. Couples assume that because they have a wedding ring on their finger, they have a license for total, unrestricted indulgence. They believe that everything goes. They gorge on the marital act with the frantic appetite of gluttons, entirely empty of reverence, and because they believe it’s completely legal, they never take it to the confessional. They carry that unrepented crust of raw lust directly to the judgment seat, and they end up staying in purgatory for a very long time.”

The Geometry of the Gaze

Julian stared into his coffee mug, his brow furrowed in deep thought. “But Thomas, if the catechism and the magisterial documents don’t provide a highly specific, microscopic checklist of permitted actions in the marital bed, how do we guide a couple without becoming overly scrupulous or invasive? Where do we draw the line between holy affection and unholy indulgence?”

“The line was drawn in the soil of Genesis,” Thomas said, opening a personal journal where he had transcribed reflections from his own private prayer and spiritual direction over the decades. “A few years ago, an exceptionally holy priest gave me a piece of spiritual guidance that had come to him during a prolonged period of silent adoration. When you hear the theological logic behind it, the absolute truth of it becomes undeniable.”

Thomas cleared his throat, reading from his handwritten notes:

“The prompt asked: Where did this disordered desire to have what is not pleasing to God originate? To understand it, we have to look at the original design of love in the Garden of Eden. When God said, ‘Let us make man in our image and likeness,’ what was that divine image? It was the eternal, face-to-face communion of the Holy Trinity. For all eternity, God the Father looks upon God the Son, and the Holy Spirit is the infinite breath of love generated between them. True divine love is always a face-to-face encounter, an absolute mutual gaze of recognition, honor, and complete self-giving.”

Julian nodded slowly. “The theology of the body. Man is the only creature on earth that God willed for its own sake, made for interpersonal communion.”

“Exactly,” Thomas continued, his voice rising with an intense, quiet passion. “The animal and plant kingdoms were created differently—not in the divine image. Their reproduction is governed entirely by raw impulse, instinctual action, and physical mechanics, completely devoid of an act of the rational will to love. Man, however, walked face-to-face with God in perfect innocence. But when original sin entered the world, what was the very first thing Adam and Eve did? They hid themselves among the leaves. They literally hid their faces from the divine gaze.”

Thomas tapped the journal explicitly. “And in that moment of hiding, human sexuality suffered a catastrophic degradation. The love style of man plummeted toward the style of animals. The physical act of procreation, which was designed to be an icon of Trinitarian love, was infected by the desire to act on animalistic impulse rather than virtuous choice.”

“And the specific physical implication?” Julian asked, his voice hushed.

“The guidance was uncompromising,” Thomas said, looking Julian directly in the eyes. “It stated that because the divine image is anchored in the face-to-face communion, only those expressions of marital intimacy that preserve the face-to-face encounter maintain their holy, uncorrupted origin. Any action where the faces are deliberately averted or hidden fundamentally alters the spiritual architecture of the act. It hides the person. And the moment the face is hidden from the spouse, the act instantly objectifies her. She ceases to be a co-equal icon of God and becomes a mere instrument of self-satisfaction—property, a trophy, dominated or humiliated. She is no longer adorned with the gaze of love or the beautiful restraint of virtue, but is spiritually battered and reduced to a lesser being.”

Julian sat back, visibly stunned by the rigor of the definition. “That breaks the traditional boundaries of how most modern Catholics think. It frames the physical position of intimacy not as a matter of neutral preference, but as a critical theological statement.”

The Demonic Portal

“It is a statement of spiritual warfare,” Thomas said, his face darkening as he leaned closer over the desk. “If you talk to any seasoned diocesan exorcist, they will tell you a reality that modern secularized minds completely scoff at: one of the absolute most effective ways for demonic forces to gain a foothold in a household is through sexual sin—even within a marriage. Sexuality is not bad; it is incredibly holy, which means it is immensely powerful and dangerous. It is a spiritual conductor.”

Thomas gestured toward the window, where the dark storm continued to lash against the glass. “Why do you think every authentic satanic ritual or occult initiation throughout history involves some form of sexual aberration? Because the perversion of the sexual act has the immediate, volatile power to pull malignant spiritual forces into the material world. It mimics the creative power of God but flips it into a tool of destruction.”

“But surely you aren’t saying that a married couple trying to enjoy their intimacy are conjuring demons,” Julian countered, defensive of his parishioners.

“I am saying that 99% of the spiritual darkness, confusion, and division we see fracturing modern families has been quietly channeled into their homes through compromised marital acts,” Thomas said directly, refusing to soften the blow. “Think about it. Not everyone in your parish is playing with Ouija boards, doing heavy drugs, or attending occult seances. Those are rare sins. But almost every single human being has access to, and engages with, sexual activity. It is the most common denominator of human experience. And when a couple brings the animalistic, degraded imagery of the secular world into the sacred space of the marital bed, they are no longer imaging the Trinity. They are imaging something else. They are opening a portal.”

Thomas stood up, pacing behind his desk, his hands clasped behind his back. “The ancient pagan religions understood this completely. Why do you think they filled their temples with statues of animals and practiced ritualized, animalistic orgies? Because their dark deities wanted to reduce humans to the level of beasts, to strip them of the face-to-face divine image, and thereby render them entirely vulnerable to demonic possession, impurity, and systemic havoc. When a modern Catholic couple adopts those same animalistic patterns for the sake of novelty or raw physical stimulation, they are playing with fire next to an open gas tank.”

The Altar of Sacrifice

Julian looked down at his notes, the weight of the pastoral responsibility settling heavily on his shoulders. “If this is the reality, Thomas, how do we preach this? How do we help couples who have already fallen into these habits out of pure ignorance?”

Thomas stopped pacing and looked down at his younger assistant. “We give them clear, actionable, uncompromised guidelines. We treat the marital bed with the exact same reverence, awe, and trembling fear that we bring to the altar of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.”

He sat back down, pulling a small sheet of paper toward him. “First, it requires an absolute commitment to personal holiness and aggressive interior purification. Lust must be cast out of the heart through regular confession and intense prayer, so that the couple no longer views each other through the lens of appetite. Second, it requires a serious, courageous conversation between the spouses. They must have the courage to look at each other and say, ‘We will not allow the garbage of the world into our marriage. We will commit to face-to-face love, and nothing else. Period. The end.’“

Julian smiled faintly. “And how do they begin? Is there a specific prayer for the bedroom?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Thomas said, a rare, warm smile breaking through his serious demeanor. “I tell couples to use the traditional prayer before meals. Think about it: ‘Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.’ It is entirely appropriate. It frames the act not as an uncontrolled feeding frenzy of the passions, but as a holy, dangerous, and beautiful gift received directly from the hands of the Creator.”

Thomas leaned forward, his eyes alight with theological clarity. “The physical act must be completely selfless, entirely focused on seeking the objective good and joy of the other. It must be beautiful, and it must be chosen willfully with the mind and the heart—not driven by an impulsive, addictive passion that cannot say no. Many saints and spiritual masters have called the marital bed a secondary altar in the home. And what happens on an altar, Julian? A sacrifice is offered. It is a place where lives are laid down, where blood is spilt through the vulnerability of total self-giving, and where the couple remains completely open to the transmission of new, eternal human life.”

The Divine Dissatisfaction

The grandfather clock in the hallway began to strike midnight, its deep, metallic chimes counting out the hours into the quiet rectory. The storm outside had begun to recede, leaving behind a cold, crisp silence over the parish grounds.

Julian closed his notebook, looking across the desk at the older priest. “It is a beautiful vision, Thomas. But it is incredibly demanding. In a culture that promises total, immediate gratification of every desire, this level of restraint feels almost impossible for a young couple.”

“And that is the final, most profound secret of all,” Thomas whispered, his voice warm and filled with an immense pastoral tenderness. “Why did God structure our earthly life this way? Why is it that our use of money, our consumption of food, and our experience of marital sexuality must always be governed by strict modesty and deliberate restraint?”

Julian waited, listening intently.

“Because God intentionally wants to leave us dissatisfied on this earth,” Thomas revealed. “He purposely caps our earthly pleasures—giving us only so much money, so much food, so much physical satisfaction—so that our hearts remain restless. He leaves us intentionally hungry so that we don’t make an idol out of the creature instead of the Creator.”

Thomas stood up, walked to the window, and looked out at the silhouette of the church building against the clearing night sky. “If a couple engages in earthly things to fully satisfy their deepest, infinite desires, they will inevitably become addicted, frantic, and perverted—and they will still end up profoundly empty. But if they practice holy restraint, if they accept the limits of a virtuous, face-to-face love, that lingering dissatisfaction becomes a sacred compass. It forces them to realize that this world cannot satisfy them. It drives them to their knees, pointing them toward the only realities that can fill the infinite void of the human heart: Jesus in the Holy Eucharist here on earth, and the beatific vision face-to-face in heaven.”

Thomas walked Julian toward the door of the study, placing a supportive hand on the young priest’s shoulder. “This isn’t a message of condemnation, Julian. It is a message of ultimate liberation. If our people have fallen into these secular traps, tell them to go to confession immediately. Tell them to cast those attachments out, to repent of what they did in ignorance, so that they don’t have to do long, painful time in the purifying fires of purgatory. Let’s teach them to reclaim the true dignity of their vows.”

Julian stepped into the hallway, his heart lightened by a profound, clarifying peace. The daunting pastoral work ahead was no longer an exhausting struggle against cultural trends, but a glorious, well-defined spiritual battle to lead his flock out of the animalistic shadows and back into the radiant, face-to-face love of the living God.

Don’t Go to Confession Until You Hear St Catherine...